Friendship - Part 5 - Saying the Hard Things

Thought #5: Great Friends say the hard things.

The Bible says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” Nothing could be more true. For the past 4 days we’ve talked about laughing together, and bringing out the best in each other, and believing and trusting in our friendships. But truly great friends, don’t shy away from the hard stuff, just because it’s hard.

True friendship is about saying what needs to be said, in a spirit of love and encouragement, even when it’s hard. No, especially when it’s hard.

One of my best friends, Mike Ash, calls it, “Putting the friend above the friendship.”

There will inevitably be times in our friendships where we are called upon to say the hard thing, even when it’s uncomfortable. That’s true friendship. That’s true love.

? Are you willing to say the hard things, in a spirit of love, when you need to?

? When was the last time one of your friends said the hard thing to you? Do you think your friends feel comfortable saying the hard things to you? Why or why not?

? Are you willing to invite the hard thing conversations?

Have a great weekend,

Matt

Friendship - Part 4 - Bringing out the Best in Each Other

Thought #4:  Great Friends bring out the Best in Us.

There’s no question in my mind that one of the primary roles of a friend is to bring out the best in the other person.  It should be our aim to encourage and call out the best that lives within those closest to us.

I take this role seriously in my friendships.  I believe God has put us together so we can help each other become better than we ever could be alone.

? Do you bring out the best in your friends?

? Do they bring out the best in you?

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

Friendship - Part 3 - Laughing Together

Thought #3: True Friends Laugh together.

I love to laugh. In fact, I tend to believe that funny things happen in our lives everyday, most of us are just too serious to actually see them. Anyway, one of the great unifiers of friendship is laughter.

Laughter can breakthrough walls like nothing else can. The best way to cause people to be at ease is through laughter. Great bonds of friendship exist when the guard of our heart is taken down. Laughter can do that like few other things can.

Laughter creates a shared experience like nothing else can. When we laugh together, something deeper happens. Laughter can burn memories into our hearts like few other things can.

Laughter makes people feel encouraged like nothing else can. Have you ever shared an evening laughing with someone and as you left you noticed that you felt better about yourself, your life and your friendship? That’s the power of laughter.

I love to laugh with my friends.

? Who do you laugh with on a regular basis?

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

Friendship - Part 2 - More than Negativity

Thought #2: I need more than negativity to establish a friendship.

I often say that, “The least common denominator of unity is negativity.” In other words, if you want to get on someone’s good side, all you have to do is find what they don’t like and agree with them! It’s sad but true. Try it. It really works.

Although that may be a good strategy for finding common ground with an enemy or a stranger, it’s a bad strategy for friendships. Friends need more in common than just their enemies. In fact, truly great friendships have a few common characteristics.

1. They share common interests. Great friends unite around things that both people enjoy. Golf, TV Shows, a hobby, etc.

2. They share a common cause. A second level for friendships is a common cause. When two people have a shared purpose or goal, the potential for the friendship to increase goes up exponentially.

3. They share a common foundation. A third level for a friendship is in the core beliefs of the two people involved. When two people share a belief system or core conviction, that brings a baseline of stability and longevity to the friendship that is unmatched.

? What unites you and your friends? Is it just a common enemy, or does it go deeper than that?

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

Friendship - Part 1 - Belief and Trust

This week is dedicated to friendship. The concept of friendship begins in Elementary school and supposedly continues through the remainder of our lives. However, the reality for most of us is that, the older we get, the fewer TRUE FRIENDS we really have. I am blessed to have some true friends in my life. This week is centered around how I think about friendship.

Thought #1: Friends Believe and Trust.

One of the staples of True Friendship in my mind is Belief and Trust. As a friend, I want to be a believer in my friends. I see it as my role, as a friend, to be a cheerleader for my friends’ hopes and dreams! I want them to know that I am behind them and pushing!!!

A second step of belief is trust. I want my friends to know that I trust them. Trust is the backbone to great friendships.

When it comes to my friends, it is a huge deal for me to know they believe in me as well. Nothing gives a leader confidence like the belief of a friend. The greatest way my friends show me they believe in me is by the trust they place in my leadership. There is no better feeling then when I call a shot, and my friends support it. That’s true friendship.

? Do you have any “True Friends”?

Rick Warren says, “You don’t need a lot of friends, but the ones you have need to be great ones.”

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

How I Learn - Part 5

#5: I Revisit It.

As we conclude this week’s blogs about How I learn, the final thought concerns revisiting that which you’ve learned. We human beings are prone to drift. Revisiting what you’re learning makes learning stick long term. 3 thoughts…

1. That which gets inspected gets done. We know this is true when it comes to the people we lead, but it’s also true for what we’re learning as well.

2. Take time to sit and reflect on what you’ve learned. After a message or a conference, take an hour over lunch or early in the morning the next week and revisit what you’ve learned. Pick the 3 things that you need to integrate immediately.

3. Put an appointment on your calendar 60 days from now. Revisit what you’ve learned in 2 months and see if the change you wanted to make has lasted. If not, recommit to it. If so, then move on to the next set of learning you want to focus on.

Hope this has been helpful,

Have a great weekend,

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

How I Learn - Part 4

#4: I Apply it.

A fourth thought on how I learn is to not miss the application. As humans, we’re addicted to information. The problem is not getting our hands on information. Because let’s face it, if we want to learn, we can get information anywhere. The more difficult part of learning is crossing over to the application side of the equation.

3 ways I think about applying what I’m learning.

1. True Openness. All application starts here. Are we willing to relearn that which we think we already know? If so, then application can flow easily. If not, then all the information in the world won’t make a difference.

2. Honest Assessment. Are we willing to take a good, hard look at how we’re leading and what we’re doing? Are we willing to be honest about where we are? Because after all, if we don’t know where we are, we can never get where we want to go.

3. Course Correction. Are we willing to change? It’s one thing to learn something. It’s another thing to know where you are. But the final step is to actually make the change. This isn’t always easy. And can take a tremendous amount of energy and time to truly change what you do. But it’s worth it.

? How are you doing at the application piece of learning?

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

How I Learn - Part 3

#3: I Ask Questions.

This week we’re talking about How I have Learned to Learn in my leadership journey. The third thing I have learned to do is Ask Questions. Again, this may sound elementary, but the reality is the person who knows how to ask questions knows how to learn. 3 Thoughts…

1. People are a deep well & questions are the way to mine out the good stuff. Most people are a deep well of great thoughts, insights and experiences, however the vast majority of people will never just offer up those insights without questions.

2. Asking Great Questions is an Artform. I often have people tell me that I ask great questions. I’ll be honest with you, I have spent a significant amount of time thinking about the kinds of questions that elicit detailed responses. I try hard to remember the questions that fall flat and only get a Yes or No response. Those questions get thrown out of my head, as much as possible.

3. I have 10 Questions ready at all times. Because I never know when a learning opportunity will arise, I have 10 general questions in my mind that I can rely on at any minute. Here are 10 easy ones…

1. Tell me your story…
2. Tell me about your strengths…
3. Tell me about your weaknesses…
4. Tell me about your team…
5. Tell me about your greatest success.
6. Tell me about your regrets.
7. Tell me what you’re learning right now…
8. If you were me, what would you do about…
9. How do you spend your time…
10. Who are you listening to / reading right now?

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

How I Learn - Part 2

#2: I Translate it Down.

A second skill I have acquired in this process of Learning as a Leader is the ability to translate down. Let me explain. When watching or listening to someone who is ahead of you on a leadership or organizational level, it’s easy to be overwhelmed with thoughts of, “We could never do that!!!” or “it must be nice to have all those resources or money to do that…”

In order to translate down, I’m looking for 3 things:

1. Transferable Principles. Just because another organization may have more resources or money or manpower, doesn’t mean that what they’re doing can’t be transferred to your organization. The secret is to find the hidden principles that are in play. In our organization we call this, “The Why behind the What and How.” Too often we only look at the What or How, instead we need to understand Why they are doing what they’re doing the way they’re doing it.

2. Invisible Indispensables. There’s always more than meets the eye when it comes to learning. I am always looking for those things that are often hidden beneath the surface of a teaching. This is not always easy to do, but it’s worth it. Here’s another way we refer to it: What’s the story behind the story.

3. How can I take the Why and use it at my level? Maybe you don’t have the finances or manpower to do what they’re doing exactly as they do it, but give yourself permission to think of a different How but the same What.

? On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate yourself at Translating Down what you learn from others who are ahead of you on the leadership journey?

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

How I Learn - Part 1

How I Learn – Part 1

When we think of learning, we often think of it as a given, or automatic. However, great leaders understand that when it comes to learning, there is more than meets the eye. This week is dedicated to examining How I Learn as a Leader.

#1: I Listen.

I am amazed at the number of leaders who are not good listeners. In fact, I would say one of the major temptations leaders face is to do more talking than listening most of the time!

Here are 3 thoughts on how I listen in order to learn:

1. I listen like I’m talking to a mentor. One of the things I’ve trained my mind to do is to listen to teachings or messages by other leaders in a personal way. I try to envision the speaker talking directly to me. I try to keep my focus on myself and not let myself think of someone else who really needs to hear this.

2. I listen more than I talk. Let me say that I Try to listen more than I speak, especially when I’m with someone I admire or look up to in leadership. The temptation as a young leader is to be so consumed with getting my idea heard that I lose the focus on listening.

3. I listen to what’s not being said. So much of listening is non-verbal. I am constantly attempting to hear what the communicator is not saying with their actions. Another piece of this is in attempting to hear through the jargon. Often an accomplished communicator will use terms or phrases that make perfect sense in their head, but to the uninformed listener, can get lost. I always try to take the time to unpack what is being implied but understated by the speaker.

? On a scale of 1 to 10, how adept are you at listening as a leader?

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

My Non-Negotiables - Part 5

#5: My Self.

Here’s what I’ve learned… If I don’t take care of myself, no one else will. In fact, everything about my leadership life pulls against self-care and taking care of myself. Life has a way of being ultra-demanding. I wish it wasn’t that way, but it is.

So… I can’t either: Neglect myself.

Or I can get about Carving in time to make sure that I am everything I need to be on a Self-Care level to live the life I’m called to live.

Great Question: What am I doing to take care of myself? How’s my health? How’s my mental health? How’s my hobby life? Etc.

Why not take this weekend and start working on yourself? You deserve it. And let’s face it, you need it!!!

Have a great weekend everybody,

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

My Non-Negotiables - Part 4

#4:  My Giftings and Passions.

A fourth non-negotiable for me are those things that God has uniquely created me to be good at.  It only makes sense that where I add the most value to my organization and the world is in the areas that I am gifted in and am most passionate about.

Great Question:  What are you doing to grow those areas?

That’s a non-negotiable for me.  I will play to my strengths and give away those things that make me feel weak, as much as I possibly can.

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

My Non-Negotiables - Part 3

#3: My Calling.


Here’s what I realized a while back on my leadership journey. I only get one shot at this thing called my life. And it’s going fast!

That means I have got to do whatever it takes to live out why I’ve been put on this earth!

And I’ve got to stop doing anything that keeps me from fulfilling the reason I’ve been put here!

Great Question: What are you doing to fulfill your calling?

Do you know what it is? If not, start finding out! If so, get on with it!

I’m not talking about doing something drastic, like quitting your job. That’s naïve. What I am talking about is simply “Taking a step” in the direction of your destiny.

? What will you do tonight to take One Step in the direction of your calling and destiny?

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

My Non-Negotiables - Part 2

#2: My Family.

Man, I have seen way too many leaders compromise their family for the sake of advancement. What a waste. And none of this, “They are who I’m doing all this for.” Come on, that’s ridiculous. We’re doing it for us. That’s not bad ‘cause we all need to give our lives to something. God created us to work. That’s cool. But not at the expense of losing our families!

How’s your marriage? How are your kids? How different would their answers be from yours if I asked them those same 2 questions?

Why not go home tonight, have the hard conversation with your spouse and kids and figure out, what your Grade Point Average is for your family, and then spend the next 3 months “getting your grades up!”

They may not thank you for it today, but they will in about 10 years!

Great Question: What are you doing to Enjoy your family?

After all, they’re only young once!

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

My Non-Negotiables - Part 1

This week, I want to zero in on those things in my life and leadership that I will not compromise. Period. No question, these are the 5 things that nobody can take away from my priority list. I hope these will be a great reminder and check up for each of us as we pursue our leadership journeys.

#1: My Faith.

I have to start with this one because it sets the table for everything else in my life. Since I was 15 years old, my faith has been the #1 thing in my life. I worry about the leader who doesn’t have a strong faith and relationship with God. The leadership journey is too tough to have to be the end all and ultimate authority for everything in life.

I love being able to know that there is a Divine Creator who is orchestrating the events of my life with me.

Great Question: What are you doing to Grow it?

Faith is never meant to be a destination or arrival point. Everyday, we have to press in and grow our faith. For a great perspective on that, listen to Part 5 of our GPS series we did this summer.

My Faith is a Non-Negotiable for me. I will not compromise it to advance. Period.

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

5 Things I HAVE to do as a Leader - Part 5

#5: I HAVE to Keep Getting My Hands Dirty.

A final decision that I am determined to make in my leadership is to keep getting my hands dirty. When a leader disconnects from “the work of the ministry” for too long, there is a natural drift that begins to emerge in the organization. Here are a few thoughts…

1. Work hard to know where people are living. When was the last time we, as leaders, walked a day in their shoes? Jobs, kids, responsibilities, mortgages, commutes, moody bosses, etc.

2. Force yourself out of the Lime Green Tower. I know it’s supposed to be “Ivory” but I have Lime Green Walls in my office, so I changed it! Get out, walk around, look in closets you haven’t opened in a while. Ask someone you haven’t talked to in forever how they’re doing. See what happens…

3. Listen while you’re there. My tendency is to immediately start fixing stuff, or pointing out things that need changed, or casting vision. And there is definitely a time and a place for that, but more than anything I have to force myself to listen. I’m always amazed at what I hear.

? When was the last time you found dirt under your fingernails, organizationally?

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

5 Things I HAVE to do as a Leader - Part 4

#4: I HAVE to Invite Questioning.

One of the decisions I have to constantly keep on the edge of my consciousness as a leader is to Invite Questioning! This isn’t an easy one for me. I’m a visionary leader by gifting and I so to willingly invite others to take a critical look at my ideas is hard. Here’s how I do it…

1. I don’t take it personally. I have to separate my identity from my ideas. If I take personally a team member critiquing my ideas in order to make them better, the organization and our people lose.

2. I have to recognize that my ideas don’t have to be the best decisions. The best decisions we’ve ever made for our organization have ALWAYS come through collaboration, never by a single individual.

3. I have to recognize that my ideas don’t HAVE to be the final decisions. My responsibility is to get ideas started, and then let others make them better, different, and more precise.

That’s the way we get Great Ideas that transform our church and the lives of the people in it!

? How are you doing at INVITING critical analysis of your ideas?

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

5 Things I HAVE to do as a Leader - Part 3

This week we’re talking about 5 things that I HAVE to do as a leader. They’re not always fun, but they’re always right!

#3: I HAVE to Resist the Wall of the Unknown.

In the course of leading an organization, a leader will inevitably come up against “walls of the unknown.” Those moments are a crossroads for any leader. I have learned that…

* I can’t let the unknown keep me from making a decision. Inaction is perhaps the most powerful action of all in leadership.

* I have to trust my leadership intuition. This is the part that you can’t teach. But the further a leader goes in their leadership, the more they can hone the skill of “trusting their intuition.”

* I have to seek wise counsel. In addition to intuition, when I hit a wall of the unknown, I immediately pull in another set of eyes. My wife is great for this, as are Mike and Scott, the rest of my Executive Leadership Team. Their eyes always see what mine do not.

* I have to act. The unknown can’t become a wall that fences in the potential of our organization.

? Where are you standing at the wall of the unknown? What do you need to do to push through it?

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

5 Things I HAVE to do as a Leader - Part 2

#2: I HAVE to Resist the Fear of Failure.


There is an inherent danger that lurks behind successful leadership… and that is to allow failure to become your greatest fear.

The more successful you get, the more visible your failures are. As a leader, I have learned that I can’t let the fear of failure paralyze me in my leadership. When I do, I am harming the very organization I have been successful in leading.

? Is there an area where you have allowed fear to keep you from moving forward? What can you do in the next 48 hours to keep that fear from holding you back?

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

5 Things I HAVE to do as a Leader - Part 1

This week I want to spend some time talking about 5 things that I HAVE to do as a leader. They’re not the most enjoyable things that I do in a week’s time, but they are definitely essential to keeping morale high and attention focused among the team on what’s most important!

#1: I HAVE to Own My Mistakes.

I told you this wouldn’t be fun! One of the temptations of being the leader of any organization is the luxury to fake it, when you blow it. But pretending you’re perfect doesn’t fool anybody. Owning when I screw up is a huge deal for me.

The Sooner the Better. I have learned that letting mistakes linger without ownership, deteriorates my leadership. It usually ends with someone saying, “We were wondering if you were going to own that…” For me, the sooner the better on owning my mess ups.

I always want to say, “I’m sorry” faster than others. When I have missed an expectation or blown a decision that is effecting someone on my team adversely, I want to beat them to the “I’m sorry” part. I don’t want to squeak it in there as an after thought.

I want my team to know that I’m not too proud to own my mistakes.

? Do you own mistakes quickly? Or are you more prone to hesitate to say, “I blew it!”?

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

How I think about Leadership Development - Part 5

#5: Reproducing Leaders is a Sacrifice I’m Willing to Make.

I think we underestimate the amount of value produced when we intentionally reproduce leaders around us. Is it hard work? Sure. Is it a Sacrifice? Sure. But it is always worth it.

I often talk to leaders who say, “I don’t know how you do it! How do you get everything done and still have that much time to pour into leaders?”

My answer is this: I started reproducing myself in leaders 6 ½ years ago when we started Next Level Church and now those leaders around me think like me, make decisions like me and lead like me to such a degree that I am free to develop more leaders.

The best time to start reproducing leaders is 10 years ago. The 2nd best time is today. Begin carving in 2 hours per week to pour yourself into the leaders around you. Trust me, it’s worth it.

? Who are the 2 to 6 people that you are going to begin pouring yourself into intentionally every week starting today?

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt